To Be Or Not To Be

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

To be a writer or not to be a writer. I ask myself this question on a daily basis. Some days it is the only thing I want to be, and other days I feel that I must be out of my mind to even entertain the thought.

My friends and family – except for my daughter and sister – look at me like I have lost my mind when I say that I want to be a writer. I remember writing stories when I was a child and being told to quit wasting my time – there was no future in writing – it wasn’t practical. I was told to be a lawyer or an accountant. Everyone had a plan for my future – my input wasn’t needed. My dreams were to be sacrificed to satisfy two people whose own dreams never saw fruition. They chose my college and what I would study – it was very disappointing to them when I threw everything away and joined the army. But even then the damage was done – I was filled with too much doubt and fear to pursue writing seriously.

Fear and doubt still rule my life. I see the dedication and energy that the other Writing Wenches put into their craft and I feel discouraged and ashamed that I don’t put the same effort in. There are days when my doubt is so loud that all I want to do is cut out all contact with anything that has to do with writing – the fear is constantly weighing on me that I will never be good enough and that I am just a pretender and don’t belong in groups like the Writing Wenches or 10 Minute Novelists. But then there are days when all I want to do is bask in the groups’ encouragement and be there to encourage them when I can. There are so many stories running around in my head, but I can’t seem to get them down on paper. I think the reason is that if I do get the stories written, I will find that my fears were correct and everyone will see I have no talent and that I have been wasting everyone’s time. So I procrastinate and make excuses on why I don’t follow my writing dream. I’m fairly certain if procrastination was an Olympic Sport I would have a gold medal.

I guess the true question is not whether I should be a writer or not. The question is if I have enough courage and inner strength to overcome my fears and doubts and pursue my writing dream and see where it takes me, or do I turn my back on the dream which won’t leave me alone and live with regrets and “what might have been.”

2 comments on “To Be Or Not To Be

  1. Oh darling, if there is one thing I have learned in life, its this.

    Life is short. WAY WAY to short. And you never know when that shot will be taken from you. Take it from someone who thought I could never write again because of illness. Don’t let fear cower you. Own that fear, stare it in the eye and tell it you are Bigger and Badder than it is. Your dream is important. If its constantly on your mind and those characters are jabbering away at you… just do it!

    Start with doing it for yourself. Don’t worry about sharing right now. Write for YOU! Everyone starts the same way. With the same fears and doubts.
    Don’t keep putting it off. Do what makes you happy and don’t worry about what others think. Shove it aside.

    *hugs*

    1. Thank you, Ashlynn. I find you very inspiring – you continued on following your dreams even through serious illness. You are right – life is too short to let doubts and fears get in your way.

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