Wenches and Readers of our blog – you may have noticed I was suspiciously absent last month. Well, I promise that I wasn’t abducted by aliens, run off on a romantic getaway (though I did write a short story partially set in one), or anything else so fun. And, since I have SWORN to blog today (and not miss again) I thought you all deserved a quick update on “where has DeAnna been?”
Let’s Have a Baby!
A little over an year ago, my husband and I began actively trying for Baby #2. We figured that we’d just been too careful and not “accidentally” gotten pregnant so we were going to give it the “ol’ college try” before it was too late. This resulted in a LOT of “relations”… at first that was crazy fun. I mean, who doesn’t like lots of romantic time with their significant other. This was great inspiration for writing and I was writing like a pro. Daily 1-5k words, mountains of text… plus my full time job & the normal housewife stuff. I don’t think I can ever really remember feeling better. So… we proceeded to step #2 in our great plan.
Selling The House
Some of you may not know this but I was living in 850 square feet of house not too terribly long ago. The sad truth of it is this: I know people with living rooms bigger than nearly my whole first house put together! With a six year old and (hopefully) a baby on the way, we needed more space. So we put our house on the market, we assumed it would sell quickly and so we started shopping.
Buying A House
We found that this time around we were a lot more picky about the houses we wanted to buy and we were shopping in a very conservative price range so the list we had of “possible homes” was not very long. Eventually we agreed to bite the bullet and shop well above our “conservative” range and we found a house we liked… but our old home wasn’t selling.
So we invested in some expensive vinyl windows from a big name company and started to try the sales process again with a new agent. This time, we hit big. Our house was in contract within a month. It was about eight months since we started the process so we were really happy… but… our “dream home” had gone under contract with someone else.
Frantic we began to search for houses again – seeing 10 a day once! We were getting worried we had set ourselves up to be homeless. I began working extra jobs to make sure we had the money to make ends meet and have a place to live if needed.
We’re Sorry But…
Before we got our old house in contract, we had the doctor’s visit no woman wants. I have Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome as well as a screwed up uterus that, in combination, makes it really difficult to get pregnant. So they put me on meds to try to get me pregnant. A few months on that and I hadn’t gotten pregnant… we had to make a hard choice. My doctor was worried about my risk of cancer due to family history and other factors so we decided we would go on a very strong birth control in the hopes it would help us cut back on cysts.
The truth is, between risk of cancer and the chances of miscarriage etc, it seemed the best choice. I know, at this point, that maybe I’ll end up having to have a hysterectomy but at that point, my doctor advised this could help us avoid that. I, obviously, did not take any of this well.
Needless to say, my drive to write went in the crapper. My drive to do much of anything was right beside it.
It’s Your Heart
And that’s when my heart started fluttering in my chest. At first I thought anxiety or stress brought it on so I did everything I could to remain calm… but nothing was working. And then, it got worse and I got so scared I went to a hospital. The doctors took it very seriously and I began a series of tests and labs with names the likes of which you don’t want to hear. Not ever. Most of which my insurance doesn’t cover and so the bills began to pile up.
“But try to stay calm, Ma’am.” As they keep having me sign papers agreeing to larger and larger testing expenses.
I went home with a heart monitor on, and once that was done, I had to wait.
No, it’s your Liver
So, turns out my heart was skipping beats and also trying to right itself. All of our hearts do this but mine was doing it like a spaz. And, other tests revealed that my liver, not my heart, was the bigger fear.
“Have you been using illegal drugs?” They seriously asked me that. I about cried as they explained that in four months time my liver enzyme levels were through the roof and they needed to test for permanent damage. They also wanted to know if I’d been exposed to hepatitis and they tested for that too.
A second doctor was kind enough to allay many of my fears and told me that there were lots of reasons my liver might have crapped out… not the least of which was a really bad virus or my “get pregnant meds.” If that was the case, of course, we might never know what caused all my issues.
For Realz – you’re gonna be okay.
So, the other day I get a call, and it seems there is no hepatitis. Great news. Of course I have thousands in med bills and all we know now is this: we’re done with the birth control and get pregnant meds. We’re praying for less or no cysts this fall when I go back and for normal enzyme levels in my liver then too. If not, surgery may yet be in my future still. And yet… in all of this, with all the bills and the fears, my doctor still manages to point out the bright side: “You could be pregnant by fall. You’ve lost weight, you’re getting healthier, and you said yourself that sex has gotten back to normal with your husband. Let’s hope for that.”
Well, it may not be how we wanted to get there… but I’ll keep hoping.
Home at Last
Today at 4pm central time, a little over a year before all this madness started – we’ll sign on our dream home. I have a writing office for the first time ever, a pool & patio, and extra bedrooms for our future children because (joy of joys) my husband wasn’t just happy to consider adoption after someone from the Missouri Heart Gallery contacted my office to put up a display in our windows during our county fair time… but HE’S THRILLED.
Our family, one way or another, will grow and what we wanted will come to pass. It’s just not been on the timeline we wanted. Such is the way of life though, right?
THE TAKE AWAY.
I read a lot of romance novels and I love stories with a romantic plot whether it’s center stage or not. Romance in books, however, can sometimes be almost impossibly unreal. We like that about it. We want to live through characters whose risks are higher than our own, and whose rewards are unthinkable to us “normal/real folks.”
And yet… maybe we’re surrounded by these stories. Stories of love during crisis, and chaos, and impossible odds. Love that isn’t perfect the way it sometimes can be in stories, but love that endures and thrives in spite of it all.
This past year has taught me a lot about myself, my family, my marriage and about the stories I read and why. It also, as you might expect, has taught me about the sorts of stories I hope to write. Well, at least the romance variety. I want to talk about things that real people face… and how love can endure and overcome. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy in such a beast… but maybe more stories about marriages that stay together and not just romance origin tales. The world needs both, I think.
So – there you have it… I’m back Wenches and Readers. I look forward to being more active in the community again and getting some more writing done. Leave a comment and let me know what you’ve been up to these past couple months. I’ve love to hear from you!